A few years back, I’d decided to become an RN. And as it often happens, life had other plans. After years of doubts and allowing myself to be my biggest obstacle; I decided to go back to school and pursue my dream.
Last year was tougher than 2020. The amount of pain and frustration I have endured it’s no joke. I have sacrificed so much and worked so hard in the last months that just looking back gets me tired. I feel anxious. I am mostly anxious because of the tremendous resilience I have displayed and the extraordinary determination to fulfill my goals. I don’t recognize myself. Perhaps, I just didn’t know what I was capable of.
I am amazed at how much I have endured and overcome. If 2021 taught me anything it’s that we humans, are amazing beings. There’s so much we can do and accomplish when we set our minds to.
I don’t know where you are in life but, if you have a goal or dream, go for it. Life goes by so fast and before you know it, it’s over. Life is not about how much money you have, but rather about how much you have accomplished. Have you been a good person?, do you help others?, are you good to the environment? Have you taught others? Have you shared your wisdom and experiences? Have you loved or have you been loved? These are just a few questions to ponder and review as you get older.
Remember, be kind to yourself. Life is what you make of it and you are in no competition with anyone else. Dream it. Love it. Live it.
Nine days ago I celebrated my birthday. Although I am happy to be alive and able to celebrate another year, I can’t help but feel sad for all the things that I now wish I had done. I wish I had taken the time to focus and planned my life, rather than just living it one day at a time.
It is true that youth can be so adorably naive for some. I always felt that there was more to my life than the life I had and yet, I made no attempts to better myself. I followed the pack, I worried for what others may think, etc.
My biggest accomplishment are my children. In that, I can at least say that I am proud to have been gifted that journey. Motherhood. It is one thing I will never regret.
But in other ways, my personal growth, my goals, and my own dreams were tucked away in the imaginary hope chest I had carved for myself, in hopes to one day make them happen. One day.
Now, years later I sit here. With stress and in a hurry to finish my school so that I can finally work in a profession that I feel has been my calling for a long time. And at the same, I second guess my path and doubt myself. Is it because I feel old? Am I too tired?
Questions like these always bring me down. I am now one year older than the last and yet, not close enough to my goals. What is tomorrow? A dream, or a regret?
I know that in one of my past blogs, I mentioned being separated from my husband and willing to fight for our marriage. Well, things have changed. I was under the impression that both of us would be “working” towards repairing our marriage but, I was wrong.
It seems that he, the husband is not willing to put in the work, in this case, attend counseling sessions or even try to change some of his negative behaviors. Basically, I am aware that he would change temporarily but not permanently. And I need more than a season, I need life commitment.
There are many reasons a marriage may not last. Lack of communication and commitment are two major reasons. In addition to that, we need trust and loyalty. I had overlooked some of his toxic behaviors because I genuinely thought (fool that I am) that I would change them, that I could be the one to shine a light into him and help him become a better partner. Let me tell you, it does not work. You may be there to emotionally support your spouse day in and day out but nothing will truly change, all that will happen is that he/she will take more from you. In time, your own light diminishes, and your own goals get pushed to the back of your head.
This author has come to the sad and very real conclusion that, no matter how much one loves, or invests in a relationship, the other party has to be equally active in attempting to make things work.
A relationship is not made of one, its consists of two willing individuals trying to do right by each other.
If you are in a one-way relationship, you may want to re-evaluate your position and determine if it is healthy to stay where you are. Live life for you, not for your spouse. We will never change a person who does not want to change. That is the bottom line.
Til next time, do what is best for you. Do not harm others and be positive.
Are you getting ready? Are you anticipating the warm summer nights and hot, hot summer days? The warm sun kisses that summer brings or the heat wave it guarantees?
I am and I am ready. As you may have read in my previous posts, I went through Gastric Sleeve Surgery in order to bring my weight back into the normal healthy range. I have lost 70 pounds in about 15 months and I am loving it.
I love that my knees no longer hurt, I love that I no longer snore and I love that I can climb up the stairs without going into what it felt was a mild heart attack. I love the physical benefits my body now enjoys from being less heavy and I definitely love the mental benefits that also come along with it.
Is my body perfect? Absolutely not. I have some saggy skin, I have lost some muscle tone and have a little wiggly thing under my chin. Guess what? I still love the transformation.
I am trying to get my body a little more toned so I have been working out diligently and slowly but surely my body has started to change. I see a little definition in my arms and thighs now. The point being that it’s my body and only I can take the steps to make it better.
Now that I have come to love myself and my body with all its imperfections, I feel that I can finally begin to enjoy myself the way I always pictured it. What do I mean? I mean that I have finally become a woman with more than one bathing suit! Yes, I have joined that fabulous group of people that just can’t have one bathing suit but multiple. In different colors and styles.
I am over 40 and this is a huge deal for me. All the years of yearning to love myself and be proud of my body have manifested into the woman I am today. Happy and with a positive outlook towards the future.
I wish everyone out there took the time to care for theme selves, life is but a fleeting moment, a blink of an eye. Do what makes you happy today and work towards to an even happier you tomorrow. Don’t give up don’t give in, keep pushing until you find that happy little point in your life that makes you smile, like my joy of having different bathing suits this upcoming summer. It’s the small things that sometimes give us that push, a glimmer of hope into what life should be like.
Long time no post. Yup, I’ve been missing in action. Too much going on, life has been busy. Im lying, I’ve been working like crazy. Too much. And it’s taken a toll on my mood and hobbies.
I’m not sure what your life looks like but let me tell you, mine has been crazy. And not only crazy but stressful. Ever since I became separated I’ve been focused on setting and achieving my goals. And now I feel overwhelmed. Extremely overwhelmed because I am trying to accomplish alot with very little.
My goals? Higher credit score, debt payoff and a better paying job. Oh yeah, and finish school. And all of this while keeping up with my bills and sanity.
Im currently debating whether I should invest on a resume writter. I feel like the chances of landing a better job rest on a good and updated resume. What do you think? Is it worth it?
I consider this an investment because it’s the only way I can justify such an expense. I am not joking when I say that I live by my budget. I’m not playing about my goals and so every penny counts. But Lord, it’s hard. Im sure I’m not the only one going through this so if you’re on a budget then you know how difficult it is to justify the expenditure of unplanned costs. It’s a pain.
Because of this stress, I have been focused on working and saving my money so as to be able to deal with unexpected costs (investments). And due to this, I’ve been away from my blog. Plus, I get tired of the random messages about follows/creepy requests so I kinda stayed away from the scene.
Tonight though, it felt like a night to type a few words together and let my mind speak for itself. My brain is overworked and tired. My body is tired, hell my soul is tired.
I don’t know where you are on your journey but let me say this: you got this, we got this. The trick is to remain focused and positive. While there’s alot to deal with, there’s still alot more to be thankful for. So just take a deep breath and get it done.
I was unable to remain asleep til 6am and was up at 335am instead. But why? the world may never know, haha. Needless to say, I decided to get my butt out of bed and into the shower. I managed to exfoliate my body and feet, wash my hair and shave while taking deep breaths in an attempt to cleanse my soul and clear my mind. I sort of meditated while I showered. It felt glorious. The stillness of my home early in the morning is just soothing and encouraging at the same time.
I will be honest and admit that I have never been an early riser but after today, I just may begin a new routine so that I can enjoy the quietness all around me. No city sounds, no people mulling about or passing by, just a dark crisp morning. I feel that sometimes we take the effects of silence for granted. So much can be accomplished while intentionally paying attention to our body mood and mental needs. Praying is highly recommended.
I wonder what it is about humans sometimes needing the isolation and stillness of one’s own company? and more importantly, why is it that we deprive ourselves from it and seem to constantly seek to be around others? Over the years, I have learned to be by myself. I can go anywhere or stay home and enjoy my own company. Is this a skill? to know how to be alone? I am not sure but I truly believe that it has helped me navigate my current relationship status, I am not lonely. I am strong and capable of tending to my wants and needs on my own.
If you are a person that is always surrounded by people because you need to have people around you, I invite you to try a moment of solitude. Pray or meditate. Practice Yoga. Pick an activity to do own your own, love your own company. Learn to be independent and to value your time, especially when you are sharing it with others. Be inquisitive, be daring. Go hiking, go try a new restaurant or take a quick road trip to the next city to explore on your own. You’ll be surprised at the healing and peace that comes from loving one’s own presence.
With this I bid you Adieu and hope you have a positive and productive day!
” We are the children left behind, We are survivors, We are the children of Divorce” -Mj Jones
I will begin by saying that I am blessed to have the option and opportunity to work from home. Because I work from home and not attached to a headset, I have the privilege of being able to listen to audiobooks. I have always loved books, from a young age I was destined to be a bookworm. Even after my parents divorce, I distinctly remember my daddy putting me to bed with a bedtime story. Back then, we had encyclopedias and ours was full of children stories (I’m giving away my age). It was moments like this that I have treasured and because of moments like this that I was never able to hate my father for living my mother, us, our family.
You might be wondering what am I getting at right? Well, the book I am currently listening to, speaks of divorce and the damage it does to children. It speaks of the sad situations in which children are often tossed into it, and how parents’ words affect and shape children and their minds. Our family was no different. Arguments happened. They happened for a while, until my dad got remarried and pretty much stopped seeing us (how odd right?). For many years, I resented my father and after long while, I forgot about him.
This book has revived some painful memories and brought out a little sadness out, I keep thinking of the ordeal that my younger brother, sister and I had to endure as children. There’s nothing I can do about those days but I can choose to move past it and look for the positivity in my childhood. The main character has been influenced by her mom to hate her father and to take on the divorce as if she was part of it, as if she and her mother were a package that her father got rid of. She fails to see that the divorce was not between her and her dad but her parents alone. And this is precisely why I feel triggered, I can recognize that although my parents divorce was not the most pleasant and they were not nice to each other, they never made us choose a side.
Fast forward to the present, in my life I can say I am glad that technology has come a long way and we know have plenty of ways to communicate. My father lives in a different country and with apps like Facebook and WhatsApp, talking to people far from us has never been easier. We no longer have to worry about long distance phone call charges (yes, I am this old). With technology facilitating communication, I decided to try and get close to my dad and perhaps mend our relationship. It has been a few years since we have started talking again and although at times it feels weird, we have made some progress. Today my parents are cordial to each other, perhaps it’s the fact that they have aged or that they are tired and no longer bitter about their divorce? No one really knows, I am just glad they are better now. Wisdom apparently does come with age.
The reason i wrote this post is to let others know that time heals all wounds, and although we can never get rid of the sad memories or change what was, we can choose to look at life with a positive eye and look for the hidden lessons amidst the pain. Hope you enjoyed my short post, thank you for reading.
Good grief! This weather is driving me nuts. It has me feeling emotional and depressed.
We all know that one of the things that brightens our days is well, daylight. Sunlight more specifically. I need sunny days to feel better and right now, the weather is just not my friend. I know I sound petulant but if you suffer or have ever suffered from depression then you understand where I’m coming from, right now at this moment I wish I could clear the clouds and let the sunrays through. Literally.
With the recent changes in my life and relationship, the last thing I need is to feel down or withdrawn. Yesterday I pushed through it but today, I just gave up. Its too much. I find myself battling anger and tears and frustration. I am upset about everything and nothing. I am fully aware that this is temporary but it sucks. I have no desire or energy to do a single thing.
Thankfully, I managed to finish my homework earlier today and just in time because if I had waited to do my homework “later” I would be screwed right now. I suppose my mind knew this was coming and somehow convinced me to get ahead of the game. Glad I listened to my brain.
Now, I am not down in a way that may worry people around me, no. I am just feeling way off and not right. It will pass but in the meantime I feel trapped in my head with myself and whatever emotions I have been bottling up for weeks. And trust me, its a lot to deal with at the moment.
While I do love winter and its grey days, this rain just throws me off. Plus, its not even really cold so I think that’s another reason why its just not working for me. Its grey, wet and somewhat warmish. Its yucky and just nasty. Can the day just be over? Let’s just start a new one already.
Anyways, I am going to try and get some exercise in, I feel that it just may help my mood (Endorphins and all that). I will do a quick workout, take a bath (not a shower) with my favorite bath bombs and bath bars and just let my mind calm down. I should also read a book while drinking a hot cuppa.
Thanks for reading my post and hope your day is going better than mine, truly. Take care and remember to do the things that make you happy.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” Oscar Wilde
Good evening. Here we are , a new year ahead with new opportunities to better ourselves and our lives. I truly hope that your new year was rang with hope and joy. We made it out of 2020, and with the vaccines available we are sure moving in the right direction and out of this madness. It’s a beautiful night with perfect weather to reflect on one’s current life state.
As I sit here, listening to Amy Winehouse sing Me and Mr. Jones on the record player, I feel a bit emotional. Mostly because my estranged husband and I loved her music and because this particular album brings a lot of good memories. We would just cook breakfast or dinner together and eat out on the balcony while she sang in the background. Good times indeed. Now, here I am alone. On the cusp of divorce. What went wrong?
The truth is that there is no concrete answer to my question. We are both human and both have our flaws. It is impossible and unfair to place the blame on only one of us when in truth, our marriage was/is our job. And we are both failing at it. Perhaps, communication is the root of the issue. Perhaps, its our unwillingness to be completely open and honest with each other in an attempt to not step on eggshells. Whatever the reason, we are both responsible for our situation today.
The truth is that not only are we two different people but also have different issues to deal with, issues that I think go all the way back to childhood. I have a dislike of arguments due to childhood trauma. My parents divorced and never got along after that. His childhood was riddled with neglect and abuse. His way of dealing with things is arguing. In that we collide. No, he isn’t physically violent just a little loud.
But even with that flaw, I love him and will work on our relationship on my end. I am scheduled to begin therapy and hope he will do the same. Not marriage therapy, just therapy to heal ourselves. We have to re-learn positive behaviors in order to make this work and make this marriage stronger. I am glad, he and I can communicate now in a way we didn’t before. I believe this is progress.
Whichever way we are taken, we will always be able to say that we at least tried to fix it. I rely on prayer and meditation to help me get through the dark days now and the ones to come. I have also set up goals for myself to keep me busy and motivated. This separation is a temporary setback and as such, it shall pass. I will not dwell on it.
Hope you have a good night, We are at 59 degrees in Central Texas. Grab a cup of tea and hunker down with a good book or blog. Enjoy your blessings and be thankful.
I literally had a breakdown while trying to wrap a few presents for my adult children. I was in a good mood or at least I thought so, little did I know that the gift wrapping and christmas music would be my undoing.
As I have mentioned before, my marriage is not doing well and its been a hard last few weeks. I am trying to stay positive and still can’t manage it. I love my husband and leaving our marriage was a hard decision but a necessary one. Our fights were becoming more frequent and over simple issues. I was feeling unappreciated and taken for granted. So I left.
However, this has been a tough pill to swallow. Even though I am aware that this change was needed it still hurts. And it hurts terribly. I do hope he seeks therapy, so that he can fix his issues and possibly fix our marriage.
We are blessed to be able to communicate and still spend time with each other with out fighting. There’s no animosity just pain, from both sides. I know he hurts for the loss of our marriage and hope he will find help and put the work into fixing himself while I do the same. We both need professional help.
Last night though, I felt so empty and almost like I was in mourning. I felt a huge sense of loss and despair. I was angry and feeling defeated because this situation was not what I had planned for, especially right before the holidays. I got in the shower and cried it out. I felt my heart breaking and physically hurting from the pain. I was a mess.
And thats another thing I have to acknowledge; my pain. It is ok to feel this bad after a marriage separation. No one gets married thinking that they will divorce. No one. So this is very hard to deal with, especially because I love him and I know he loves me.
So, we will try to get help and gets this mess sorted out but in the meantime I will allow myself to feel, to cry and to plan for tomorrow. With or without him. I pray my life makes a turn for the better and soon. Take care.
MJ Jones' Life 