Good evening. Covid has really done a number on us huh? To some it has created chaos and to the rest of us, it has brought out hidden feelings and uncomfortable memories. It seems to me that this pandemic has brought us quarantine but it also has brought divorce.
True, divorce is hardly the worst that the pandemic has brought us but it still hurts. It seems that been in close proximity for extended periods of time with our loved ones has created issues. Tempers flare and for those of us that had already been struggling with “weathering the storm” or ” carefully avoiding arguments”, the close space has pushed us over the edge.
What I mean is, in my case my relationship was already fragile. Him with a hot temper, me with an over sensitive nature. At least, that’s what he said. Anyways, we finally had it out and we are done with trying to hold on to this marriage. My question is; Why does it hurt so? I know that this is the best thing for both of us but why is still aching? How exactly does one move on without wondering if the other is hurting? Should we care? These are just a few questions that I will be going over with my therapist. Yes, I will be hiring a therapist to help me untangle my emotions.
I have had therapy before, and ironically I began therapy then because of this relationship. Now, 10 years later here I am again. Should I have left long ago? Have I been holding to an impossible dream? Why did I hold on to it? I know I sound repetitive and lame but I cant help to wonder about my lack of common sense. Perhaps love takes over and one simply hopes that all the pieces of the puzzle will fall into place. Not realizing that the puzzle may have been missing a few pieces from the get-go.
But there is light at the end of my tunnel because I know, deep down in my heart that I have goals to accomplish and that my life has to keep moving. Like a river that barely has water and yet, it manages to reach impossible places. I have to refocus on my own journey, on my career and on furthering my education. I am no spring chicken so time is of the essence. I don’t have to time to feel sorry for myself. My therapist will be in charge of making sure I am healing and staying focused on my own well being without me actually thinking about it. That’s the beauty of therapy. That’s how it works,
With this, I bid you good night. I can’t think of much more to write tonight. I have been making it from one day to the next on auto-pilot. And, if you are in a similar situation just know that life goes on and while our hearts hurt, we always have tomorrow to make things better. We are strong, we humans, Men and women hurt when a marriage is over so don’t be embarrassed to acknowledge your feelings, just don’t let them take over you. We are meant to be resilient so don’t you give up and don’t you sit there crying for days. Buck up, make a plan. Set up a few goals, and focus on making it one day at a time. Right now, its about you taking care of you.
Take care,
MJ Jones
MJ Jones' Life 