Tag: blog

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Clarity and Late Nights

The power of thought at night is clarity

Reality is here.

I know that in one of my past blogs, I mentioned being separated from my husband and willing to fight for our marriage. Well, things have changed. I was under the impression that both of us would be “working” towards repairing our marriage but, I was wrong.

It seems that he, the husband is not willing to put in the work, in this case, attend counseling sessions or even try to change some of his negative behaviors. Basically, I am aware that he would change temporarily but not permanently. And I need more than a season, I need life commitment.

There are many reasons a marriage may not last. Lack of communication and commitment are two major reasons. In addition to that, we need trust and loyalty. I had overlooked some of his toxic behaviors because I genuinely thought (fool that I am) that I would change them, that I could be the one to shine a light into him and help him become a better partner. Let me tell you, it does not work. You may be there to emotionally support your spouse day in and day out but nothing will truly change, all that will happen is that he/she will take more from you. In time, your own light diminishes, and your own goals get pushed to the back of your head.

This author has come to the sad and very real conclusion that, no matter how much one loves, or invests in a relationship, the other party has to be equally active in attempting to make things work.

A relationship is not made of one, its consists of two willing individuals trying to do right by each other.

If you are in a one-way relationship, you may want to re-evaluate your position and determine if it is healthy to stay where you are. Live life for you, not for your spouse. We will never change a person who does not want to change. That is the bottom line.

Til next time, do what is best for you. Do not harm others and be positive. 

MJ Jones

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Sun Kissed by Self Love

Love Thy Self

Summer is almost here.

Are you getting ready? Are you anticipating the warm summer nights and hot, hot summer days? The warm sun kisses that summer brings or the heat wave it guarantees?

I am and I am ready. As you may have read in my previous posts, I went through Gastric Sleeve Surgery in order to bring my weight back into the normal healthy range. I have lost 70 pounds in about 15 months and I am loving it.

I love that my knees no longer hurt, I love that I no longer snore and I love that I can climb up the stairs without going into what it felt was a mild heart attack. I love the physical benefits my body now enjoys from being less heavy and I definitely love the mental benefits that also come along with it.

Is my body perfect? Absolutely not. I have some saggy skin, I have lost some muscle tone and have a little wiggly thing under my chin. Guess what? I still love the transformation.

I am trying to get my body a little more toned so I have been working out diligently and slowly but surely my body has started to change. I see a little definition in my arms and thighs now. The point being that it’s my body and only I can take the steps to make it better.

Now that I have come to love myself and my body with all its imperfections, I feel that I can finally begin to enjoy myself the way I always pictured it. What do I mean? I mean that I have finally become a woman with more than one bathing suit! Yes, I have joined that fabulous group of people that just can’t have one bathing suit but multiple. In different colors and styles.

I am over 40 and this is a huge deal for me. All the years of yearning to love myself and be proud of my body have manifested into the woman I am today. Happy and with a positive outlook towards the future.

I wish everyone out there took the time to care for theme selves, life is but a fleeting moment, a blink of an eye. Do what makes you happy today and work towards to an even happier you tomorrow. Don’t give up don’t give in, keep pushing until you find that happy little point in your life that makes you smile, like my joy of having different bathing suits this upcoming summer. It’s the small things that sometimes give us that push, a glimmer of hope into what life should be like.

Take care,

MJ Jones

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When a Book Gets Too Close to Home

” We are the children left behind, We are survivors, We are the children of Divorce” -Mj Jones

I will begin by saying that I am blessed to have the option and opportunity to work from home. Because I work from home and not attached to a headset, I have the privilege of being able to listen to audiobooks. I have always loved books, from a young age I was destined to be a bookworm. Even after my parents divorce, I distinctly remember my daddy putting me to bed with a bedtime story. Back then, we had encyclopedias and ours was full of children stories (I’m giving away my age). It was moments like this that I have treasured and because of moments like this that I was never able to hate my father for living my mother, us, our family.

You might be wondering what am I getting at right? Well, the book I am currently listening to, speaks of divorce and the damage it does to children. It speaks of the sad situations in which children are often tossed into it, and how parents’ words affect and shape children and their minds. Our family was no different. Arguments happened. They happened for a while, until my dad got remarried and pretty much stopped seeing us (how odd right?). For many years, I resented my father and after long while, I forgot about him.

This book has revived some painful memories and brought out a little sadness out, I keep thinking of the ordeal that my younger brother, sister and I had to endure as children. There’s nothing I can do about those days but I can choose to move past it and look for the positivity in my childhood. The main character has been influenced by her mom to hate her father and to take on the divorce as if she was part of it, as if she and her mother were a package that her father got rid of. She fails to see that the divorce was not between her and her dad but her parents alone. And this is precisely why I feel triggered, I can recognize that although my parents divorce was not the most pleasant and they were not nice to each other, they never made us choose a side.

Fast forward to the present, in my life I can say I am glad that technology has come a long way and we know have plenty of ways to communicate. My father lives in a different country and with apps like Facebook and WhatsApp, talking to people far from us has never been easier. We no longer have to worry about long distance phone call charges (yes, I am this old). With technology facilitating communication, I decided to try and get close to my dad and perhaps mend our relationship. It has been a few years since we have started talking again and although at times it feels weird, we have made some progress. Today my parents are cordial to each other, perhaps it’s the fact that they have aged or that they are tired and no longer bitter about their divorce? No one really knows, I am just glad they are better now. Wisdom apparently does come with age.

The reason i wrote this post is to let others know that time heals all wounds, and although we can never get rid of the sad memories or change what was, we can choose to look at life with a positive eye and look for the hidden lessons amidst the pain. Hope you enjoyed my short post, thank you for reading.

MJ Jones

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With or Without

Feeling broken after a marriage separation is ok

Well, last night was tough.

I literally had a breakdown while trying to wrap a few presents for my adult children. I was in a good mood or at least I thought so, little did I know that the gift wrapping and christmas music would be my undoing.

As I have mentioned before, my marriage is not doing well and its been a hard last few weeks. I am trying to stay positive and still can’t manage it. I love my husband and leaving our marriage was a hard decision but a necessary one. Our fights were becoming more frequent and over simple issues. I was feeling unappreciated and taken for granted. So I left.

However, this has been a tough pill to swallow. Even though I am aware that this change was needed it still hurts. And it hurts terribly. I do hope he seeks therapy, so that he can fix his issues and possibly fix our marriage.

We are blessed to be able to communicate and still spend time with each other with out fighting. There’s no animosity just pain, from both sides. I know he hurts for the loss of our marriage and hope he will find help and put the work into fixing himself while I do the same. We both need professional help.

Last night though, I felt so empty and almost like I was in mourning. I felt a huge sense of loss and despair. I was angry and feeling defeated because this situation was not what I had planned for, especially right before the holidays. I got in the shower and cried it out. I felt my heart breaking and physically hurting from the pain. I was a mess.

And thats another thing I have to acknowledge; my pain. It is ok to feel this bad after a marriage separation. No one gets married thinking that they will divorce. No one. So this is very hard to deal with, especially because I love him and I know he loves me.

So, we will try to get help and gets this mess sorted out but in the meantime I will allow myself to feel, to cry and to plan for tomorrow. With or without him. I pray my life makes a turn for the better and soon. Take care.

MJ Jones

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When Tomorrow Comes

Set up a plan and goals

Good evening. Another day working on my future.

If you read my previous blog then you know Im in the process of ending my marriage. Everyday has been hard, I feel like a zombie of sorts. Not the kind that eats humans but the kind that just walks around wondering the wilderness. I of course, dont live in the wilderness but you get the point. Needless to say, even though my life is currently upside down I am happy to announce that I may have found a new place of residence.

If you’ve ever been in my shoes then you know how awesome this truly is, because that’s one less thing to worry about: shelter. Next is to have a second job. Maybe a short part time to help me build up my savings before I dive into school again.

One thing that truly sucks is that all of this is happening right before the holidays. This is my favorite season and here I am now, at my parents and pulling my hair trying to figure out my next step every ten minutes.

In addition to this, I am hurt and emotionally unstable. Ending a marriage is not easy. I know my soon to be exhusband loves me and I him but living like cats and dogs is just not healthy. The good days were great but the bad days were very bad. And in time, I think the bad outweighed the good. It hurts terribly. I will not bash him here and say that Im happy, blah blah. I am not happy about it. It is debilitating and the pain weighs down my heart.

Walking away was not easy but I do think that staying would have eventually led us to hate each other and that I won’t have. I’d rather finish it in an amicable way. I want to be able to bump into him and say hello and be happy for him. And hope he feels the same towards me.

I hope tomorrow is better than today and I hope tomorrow helps me heal. I hope to set and achieve my goals. I hope for a better me in the future. And I hope for his happiness and health as well.

Good night. Take care.

Luv,

MJ Jones

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The Weather and its Moods on us

Fire is always nice on a cold day

My oh my! What lovely weather we have in Central Texas today. As many of you know, Texas is known for being hot so when we get anything under 70 degrees we ENJOY it. Earlier today, I noticed the temperature had reached 66 degrees and we are now 48 degrees. So in true Texan spirit I had to make something nice and warm for dinner. I decided to make Caldo de Albondigas with spanish rice as a side and a few homemade blue corn tortillas. Ooops, I almost forgot to mention I also made a nice homemade salsa to give it some heat.

The husband and kids loved it. So of course, I was happy because what mom doesn’t love hearing her family praise her cooking right? I know I do, and my mom does too as my grandmother did when she was alive. It’s a right of passage I think, bragging rights to the kitchen.

Even after my bariatric surgery, I have managed to continue enjoying my cooking. I love to try new recipes and more often than not, while I work from home at my desk I plan dinner depending on my mood or source of inspiration. I can’t eat the same amount of food I did before but that the whole point right? It is why I chose to do this surgery, to lose and manage my weight. Having bariatric surgery doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy my food, it only means that I have to choose wisely and manage my portions.

I’ve come across posts on social media about people that have this type of surgery and can’t wait to go back to old eating habits. It’s strange, because I wonder what was the purpose of doing it in the first place right? I think there’s some misconception about what this surgery does to us and what the expectations are afterwards. Anyways, that whole different subject for another day.

Back to this beautiful weather and how it makes us feel. I don’t know about you but cold weather is definitely my favorite. I do believe it is because we have so little of it here though, some folks up north might hate it and that’s because they truly experience cold weather unlike our mild temps down here. It sort of how we like curly hair when we have straight hair right? and vice versa. We want cold temps here and they want hot temps up there…ha!

Currently, since dinner is over and done with I am now sitting on my bed writting this post and looking out the window. I can see the breeze moving the trees and the grey clouds saturating the sky. Not a peep of sunlight can be seen, just thick grey clouds over us.

Do you prefer cold weather or hot weather? Why?

I will continue to stare out the window and hope this cold weather will last us at least a few days before we go back to our normal 80s. With this, I bid you good night.

Take care,

Mrs Jones

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Selfcare on a Sunday Morning

Squash and Peppers

Good and blessed morning! I hope your sunday started off fine and continues that way. We’ve had very hot days here in Central Texas and wanting to go outside has been a struggle. However, my vitamin D levels are very low and the sun helps me with that so I braved the heat and went to work on my vegetable garden for a little while today. Two hours to be exact.

Let me first say that working on my garden brings me peace. It allows me to focus on my peace of mind by giving me the time to sit there and enjoy nature while tending to it. I am not a pro in gardening but I am trying to do my part in learning how to grow my own veggies, herbs and hopefully frutis too. I do have a beautiful squash growing and have been tending to it for a few months now.

As I sat there I was able to enjoy the sun, even though it was already hot at 8 am, it made me feel good. As I have mentioned before, I had bariatric surgery early this year and theres a chance that vitamin deficiency might occur. Well, vitamin D is low so I am currently deficient. My doctor prescribed me some and suggested I went out and got some sun while making sure I took care of my self by applying sunscreen and wearing a hat for my face. This is why I went outside today and decided to take care of my physical needs while also taking care of my emotional and spiritual needs.

While I gardened I made it a point to thank Mother Nature for her blessings, and assured her that I was not destroying the grass but rather bringing in more plants to enhance its environment. I know it sounds crazy but I do like to communicate with nature as much as possible. I pray for it and try to do my best not to harm it.

I ended up with a nicely weeded area and with two of my pepper plants from my indoor pots planted firmly in their new outodoor spots. I prepared the regular soil with food and good top soil while also covering them with mulch at the top. I feel satisfied and look forward to the next opportunity I have to transfer my tomatoes and my basil. Doing these things make me happy and cleanse my soul from negativity.

I hope you find something to do today that will allow you to take care of yourself physically, emotionally or spiritually.

Find something to do and immerse yourself in it. Pray while you do it and release any negative energy you might be carrying with you. Take a deep breath and know that you have the power to make yourself better, only you can affect the outcome of your day. Happiness is a choice, and that choice is yours.

Seize the day and be productive in your selfcare. Tend to your needs, to your soul and live your best life. Til next time.

MJ Jones

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Bathtime and Peace of Mind

Treat yourself to sweet scents and a good read.

Good evening. I hope you’re well and enjoying your night. Its now 8:24 pm and I find myself preparing for bed. Best way to do this? A long hot bath.

As I stated before, life seems to move at a faster pace every year. Every day really. Our daily routines can and will take time away from our self care. Often, we have a list of to do things or tasks but more often than not, we never mark anything down to help us with our own self care needs.

Besides time, we often think that taking care of us means we have to spend money we may or may not have, the truth is that a good oil essence added to out bath water can often be enough to relax us and help us release our stress. Stop overthinking and just indulge in some personal time. Set out some candles and just breathe. Relax.

Im not saying that pampering yourself at an actual spa is not great, what I ak saging is that sometimes thats not financially possible. However, it should be ok for gou to enjoy bathtime at home with your favorite candles and oil scents. A few drops of oil will do the trick, no need to use half a bottle in every bath. Some of my favorite scents are Lavender, Vanilla and Sandalwood, depending on my mood. A hot bath with low dimmed light works wonders. If you have a speaker that you can safely use in the bathroom without risking it being too close to your tub then use it. Set it to low volume and play something nice and mellow. It will improve your mood and allow you focus on your breathing and relaxation.

Lastly, love yourself. Your peace of mind and mental health matter. What you do today will improve your tomorrow.

Til next time,

MJ Jones

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Less Stimulus, More Sleep Please.

Step away from electronics

Feeling tired? Join the club!

Millions of Americans suffer from sleep depravation. Many have no choice because they have to work more than two jobs or maybe because they have to work and attend school. Others is because they are single parents or because they have to care for others. All of these are understandable situations. But whats the excuse for those of us who have only one job, no real extracurricular activities or care for others? Lets chat about that.

Each of us is responsible for our own well being. Thats the first thing to understand. When we choose to keep our eyes glued to the tv or to our personal gadgets, we have no one to blame but us. The truth is that more and more we immerse ourselves in social media or binge on shows that take away from our sleep time.

I dont want to sound like a broken record but if you find yourself tired and its not due to some medical condition or one of the situations described above then maybe its time to do some self care? Maybe it’s time to care for you first and foremost. Are you in? I have a few suggestions that will help you with your rest and to create better sleeping habits.

First, lets set up a time to wind down. Choose a time that works with your schedule and stick to it. Turn your tv or gadgets off an hour before bedtime. Prepare yourself by taking a shower or bath, use essential oils or bath bombs to help you relax. If you’re achy, just use Epsom salt in a bath. Relax and meditate. Prayer and/or meditation works to help you focus and release tension from your body. Do what works for you. Visualize and tune yourself with your inner peace. Bring it forth and get your rest. Next, make sure your bed is clean and made, a messy bed with dirty sheets is no place to rest. Set the room temperature according to your preference. Lastly, turn off your phone notifications and the lights. Take a deep breath and go to sleep. Focus on your body and its needs. Your body needs rest so make an attempt to do this.

In time, with a consistent routine you will feel better and your body will know when bed time is approaching. It will let you know when you need to get to bed and start getting your routine together. Trust me, we are overworked, over binged and over stimulated. Its time to calm down and take care of us. Hope my blog helps you feel better and achieve a better nights sleep.

Til next time,

MJ Jones 🌜

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FAMILY AND YOUR HAPPINESS

Hey hey!

Long time no read! I’ve finally sat down to write down my thoughts and share them with the world. So, first things first; I’ve realized that I will be blogging about not only my life after weightloss surgery but also it’s effects on my own family. Lets begin with our choice and it’s effects after surgery.

Enjoy yourself and your family!

More than once I’ve come across pages or posts about folks complaining about not being able to be around their family during preop or after surgery. Lets start with: Why not?

I believe that the first step in truly understading the process is to know that life goes on. Meaning? People should not stop eating around you because you have a restriction. The truth is that if you decide to do this, than you have to be ready to live with food around you.

I know that its hard and that it may seem impossible but it isn’t. Its ok to miss food but its also ok to move forward and adjust your mind to the new you. Its not fair for your family to be deprived of your company. It’s not fair for you to miss their company.

The only way to be successful after surgery is to embrace the new you and your new way of eating. Be happy and know that change is good, remind yourself of why you chose to do this and why you should stick to it. It is possible to reach your goals and enjoy your family at the same time. Its all about how you look at life and food. Dont miss on memories because of your own weakness. Go out there and enjoy yourself. Mingle, cook, whatever! Be with family and love yourself in the process. You’ll feel better at the end and have the struggles to push you forward. You got this 😀

Hope you are well and safe. Take care. Love yourself!

With Luv,

MJ Jones