Tag: Men

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Clarity and Late Nights

The power of thought at night is clarity

Reality is here.

I know that in one of my past blogs, I mentioned being separated from my husband and willing to fight for our marriage. Well, things have changed. I was under the impression that both of us would be “working” towards repairing our marriage but, I was wrong.

It seems that he, the husband is not willing to put in the work, in this case, attend counseling sessions or even try to change some of his negative behaviors. Basically, I am aware that he would change temporarily but not permanently. And I need more than a season, I need life commitment.

There are many reasons a marriage may not last. Lack of communication and commitment are two major reasons. In addition to that, we need trust and loyalty. I had overlooked some of his toxic behaviors because I genuinely thought (fool that I am) that I would change them, that I could be the one to shine a light into him and help him become a better partner. Let me tell you, it does not work. You may be there to emotionally support your spouse day in and day out but nothing will truly change, all that will happen is that he/she will take more from you. In time, your own light diminishes, and your own goals get pushed to the back of your head.

This author has come to the sad and very real conclusion that, no matter how much one loves, or invests in a relationship, the other party has to be equally active in attempting to make things work.

A relationship is not made of one, its consists of two willing individuals trying to do right by each other.

If you are in a one-way relationship, you may want to re-evaluate your position and determine if it is healthy to stay where you are. Live life for you, not for your spouse. We will never change a person who does not want to change. That is the bottom line.

Til next time, do what is best for you. Do not harm others and be positive. 

MJ Jones

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Lil Money, Big Goals

Plan, Plan, Plan…

Long time no post. Yup, I’ve been missing in action. Too much going on, life has been busy. Im lying, I’ve been working like crazy. Too much. And it’s taken a toll on my mood and hobbies.

I’m not sure what your life looks like but let me tell you, mine has been crazy. And not only crazy but stressful. Ever since I became separated I’ve been focused on setting and achieving my goals. And now I feel overwhelmed. Extremely overwhelmed because I am trying to accomplish alot with very little.

My goals? Higher credit score, debt payoff and a better paying job. Oh yeah, and finish school. And all of this while keeping up with my bills and sanity.

Im currently debating whether I should invest on a resume writter. I feel like the chances of landing a better job rest on a good and updated resume. What do you think? Is it worth it?

I consider this an investment because it’s the only way I can justify such an expense. I am not joking when I say that I live by my budget. I’m not playing about my goals and so every penny counts. But Lord, it’s hard. Im sure I’m not the only one going through this so if you’re on a budget then you know how difficult it is to justify the expenditure of unplanned costs. It’s a pain.

Because of this stress, I have been focused on working and saving my money so as to be able to deal with unexpected costs (investments). And due to this, I’ve been away from my blog. Plus, I get tired of the random messages about follows/creepy requests so I kinda stayed away from the scene.

Tonight though, it felt like a night to type a few words together and let my mind speak for itself. My brain is overworked and tired. My body is tired, hell my soul is tired.

I don’t know where you are on your journey but let me say this: you got this, we got this. The trick is to remain focused and positive. While there’s alot to deal with, there’s still alot more to be thankful for. So just take a deep breath and get it done.

Til next time, stay safe and kind.

MJ Jones

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Not Moving on Without a Fight

Deep down, I know I am not Alone

Good evening. Here we are , a new year ahead with new opportunities to better ourselves and our lives. I truly hope that your new year was rang with hope and joy. We made it out of 2020, and with the vaccines available we are sure moving in the right direction and out of this madness. It’s a beautiful night with perfect weather to reflect on one’s current life state.

As I sit here, listening to Amy Winehouse sing Me and Mr. Jones on the record player, I feel a bit emotional. Mostly because my estranged husband and I loved her music and because this particular album brings a lot of good memories. We would just cook breakfast or dinner together and eat out on the balcony while she sang in the background. Good times indeed. Now, here I am alone. On the cusp of divorce. What went wrong?

The truth is that there is no concrete answer to my question. We are both human and both have our flaws. It is impossible and unfair to place the blame on only one of us when in truth, our marriage was/is our job. And we are both failing at it. Perhaps, communication is the root of the issue. Perhaps, its our unwillingness to be completely open and honest with each other in an attempt to not step on eggshells. Whatever the reason, we are both responsible for our situation today.

The truth is that not only are we two different people but also have different issues to deal with, issues that I think go all the way back to childhood. I have a dislike of arguments due to childhood trauma. My parents divorced and never got along after that. His childhood was riddled with neglect and abuse. His way of dealing with things is arguing. In that we collide. No, he isn’t physically violent just a little loud.

But even with that flaw, I love him and will work on our relationship on my end. I am scheduled to begin therapy and hope he will do the same. Not marriage therapy, just therapy to heal ourselves. We have to re-learn positive behaviors in order to make this work and make this marriage stronger. I am glad, he and I can communicate now in a way we didn’t before. I believe this is progress.

Whichever way we are taken, we will always be able to say that we at least tried to fix it. I rely on prayer and meditation to help me get through the dark days now and the ones to come. I have also set up goals for myself to keep me busy and motivated. This separation is a temporary setback and as such, it shall pass. I will not dwell on it.

Hope you have a good night, We are at 59 degrees in Central Texas. Grab a cup of tea and hunker down with a good book or blog. Enjoy your blessings and be thankful.

Thank you for reading,

MJ Jones