Tag: Relationships

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Before The Sun Rises. A thought.

Photo by Helena Lopes on Pexels.com

Good morning World!

I was unable to remain asleep til 6am and was up at 335am instead. But why? the world may never know, haha. Needless to say, I decided to get my butt out of bed and into the shower. I managed to exfoliate my body and feet, wash my hair and shave while taking deep breaths in an attempt to cleanse my soul and clear my mind. I sort of meditated while I showered. It felt glorious. The stillness of my home early in the morning is just soothing and encouraging at the same time.

I will be honest and admit that I have never been an early riser but after today, I just may begin a new routine so that I can enjoy the quietness all around me. No city sounds, no people mulling about or passing by, just a dark crisp morning. I feel that sometimes we take the effects of silence for granted. So much can be accomplished while intentionally paying attention to our body mood and mental needs. Praying is highly recommended.

I wonder what it is about humans sometimes needing the isolation and stillness of one’s own company? and more importantly, why is it that we deprive ourselves from it and seem to constantly seek to be around others? Over the years, I have learned to be by myself. I can go anywhere or stay home and enjoy my own company. Is this a skill? to know how to be alone? I am not sure but I truly believe that it has helped me navigate my current relationship status, I am not lonely. I am strong and capable of tending to my wants and needs on my own.

If you are a person that is always surrounded by people because you need to have people around you, I invite you to try a moment of solitude. Pray or meditate. Practice Yoga. Pick an activity to do own your own, love your own company. Learn to be independent and to value your time, especially when you are sharing it with others. Be inquisitive, be daring. Go hiking, go try a new restaurant or take a quick road trip to the next city to explore on your own. You’ll be surprised at the healing and peace that comes from loving one’s own presence.

With this I bid you Adieu and hope you have a positive and productive day!

MJ Jones

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Not Moving on Without a Fight

Deep down, I know I am not Alone

Good evening. Here we are , a new year ahead with new opportunities to better ourselves and our lives. I truly hope that your new year was rang with hope and joy. We made it out of 2020, and with the vaccines available we are sure moving in the right direction and out of this madness. It’s a beautiful night with perfect weather to reflect on one’s current life state.

As I sit here, listening to Amy Winehouse sing Me and Mr. Jones on the record player, I feel a bit emotional. Mostly because my estranged husband and I loved her music and because this particular album brings a lot of good memories. We would just cook breakfast or dinner together and eat out on the balcony while she sang in the background. Good times indeed. Now, here I am alone. On the cusp of divorce. What went wrong?

The truth is that there is no concrete answer to my question. We are both human and both have our flaws. It is impossible and unfair to place the blame on only one of us when in truth, our marriage was/is our job. And we are both failing at it. Perhaps, communication is the root of the issue. Perhaps, its our unwillingness to be completely open and honest with each other in an attempt to not step on eggshells. Whatever the reason, we are both responsible for our situation today.

The truth is that not only are we two different people but also have different issues to deal with, issues that I think go all the way back to childhood. I have a dislike of arguments due to childhood trauma. My parents divorced and never got along after that. His childhood was riddled with neglect and abuse. His way of dealing with things is arguing. In that we collide. No, he isn’t physically violent just a little loud.

But even with that flaw, I love him and will work on our relationship on my end. I am scheduled to begin therapy and hope he will do the same. Not marriage therapy, just therapy to heal ourselves. We have to re-learn positive behaviors in order to make this work and make this marriage stronger. I am glad, he and I can communicate now in a way we didn’t before. I believe this is progress.

Whichever way we are taken, we will always be able to say that we at least tried to fix it. I rely on prayer and meditation to help me get through the dark days now and the ones to come. I have also set up goals for myself to keep me busy and motivated. This separation is a temporary setback and as such, it shall pass. I will not dwell on it.

Hope you have a good night, We are at 59 degrees in Central Texas. Grab a cup of tea and hunker down with a good book or blog. Enjoy your blessings and be thankful.

Thank you for reading,

MJ Jones