Good evening. Here we are , a new year ahead with new opportunities to better ourselves and our lives. I truly hope that your new year was rang with hope and joy. We made it out of 2020, and with the vaccines available we are sure moving in the right direction and out of this madness. It’s a beautiful night with perfect weather to reflect on one’s current life state.
As I sit here, listening to Amy Winehouse sing Me and Mr. Jones on the record player, I feel a bit emotional. Mostly because my estranged husband and I loved her music and because this particular album brings a lot of good memories. We would just cook breakfast or dinner together and eat out on the balcony while she sang in the background. Good times indeed. Now, here I am alone. On the cusp of divorce. What went wrong?
The truth is that there is no concrete answer to my question. We are both human and both have our flaws. It is impossible and unfair to place the blame on only one of us when in truth, our marriage was/is our job. And we are both failing at it. Perhaps, communication is the root of the issue. Perhaps, its our unwillingness to be completely open and honest with each other in an attempt to not step on eggshells. Whatever the reason, we are both responsible for our situation today.
The truth is that not only are we two different people but also have different issues to deal with, issues that I think go all the way back to childhood. I have a dislike of arguments due to childhood trauma. My parents divorced and never got along after that. His childhood was riddled with neglect and abuse. His way of dealing with things is arguing. In that we collide. No, he isn’t physically violent just a little loud.
But even with that flaw, I love him and will work on our relationship on my end. I am scheduled to begin therapy and hope he will do the same. Not marriage therapy, just therapy to heal ourselves. We have to re-learn positive behaviors in order to make this work and make this marriage stronger. I am glad, he and I can communicate now in a way we didn’t before. I believe this is progress.
Whichever way we are taken, we will always be able to say that we at least tried to fix it. I rely on prayer and meditation to help me get through the dark days now and the ones to come. I have also set up goals for myself to keep me busy and motivated. This separation is a temporary setback and as such, it shall pass. I will not dwell on it.
Hope you have a good night, We are at 59 degrees in Central Texas. Grab a cup of tea and hunker down with a good book or blog. Enjoy your blessings and be thankful.
Thank you for reading,
MJ Jones
MJ Jones' Life 